Go Big, Then Go Home

Today was uneventful. I slept in again, dang it. I tried baking double chocolate bacon cookies, which are surprisingly delicious. Then I went and celebrated former roomie’s birthday with a nice sit down dinner which didn’t break the bank.

I went to see the counselor the other day, and I mentioned this whole blog thing, and he asked me why. He said, answer this question, “I wonder why…” He’s always going back to that “I wonder…”

Well, for one thing, journaling privately, which I started on the recommendation of various mental health professionals, just wasn’t doing it for me. It was an obligation, and I didn’t feel like I was getting much out of it. I didn’t like feeling obligated.

I read an article about a study of middle school students that compared those who didn’t journal, journaled privately, and journaled publicly. The public journalers got more positive benefit out of the experience.

Another thing is, I feel like I do have something to say. I feel like there’s something in me, just lying underneath the surface, waiting to bubble out. And when it starts bubbling, I want to be ready. Obviously, my writing has a lot of work to undergo.

Now that I’ve started this thing, I like it more than private journaling. It feels productive, it’s exciting. There’s reason for me to go deeper into things, the desire for anonymity forces me to get creative.

And, finally, this is more of a conversation with myself. And it’s nice to have a secret. Obviously, I carry around a lot of secrets with me, but this one isn’t scary or tricky. Not really. It’s clear cut, I’m never telling anyone about this. Ever. Other secrets have to come out at some point. But this is different. Go big, then go home. Y’know?

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