I dreamed I found my lost glasses in our front yard last night. It was lovely, because I really thought I had my glasses back. Going from seeing details and minimal eye strain even with hours and hours of homework is awful. I keep reading in the Bible that if you persist in prayer that God cannot ignore you. But it’s been literally two months now, and I still haven’t seen them. I left them on my desk, I thought in their case, but apparently not. I’ve deep cleaned my room several times with no luck. Perhaps God meant bigger things won’t be ignored, or maybe I’m not praying hard enough or often enough. Or something.
That’s not the only thing. I lost my smart pen. I love my Livescribe Echo. I want you back, too. While we’re on it, whatever happened to that one cell phone I dropped on the porch? It was literally out of sight for a few seconds, and I never saw it again. Now I’m stuck with a crap phone for another year. Whatever happened to my tie-dye Homecoming tshirt? And the other pair of glasses I lost last semester? My earbuds and mp3 player? My 60G iPod? That pisses me off. I am a loser of things, and it is one of the single most frustrating qualities about myself. I’ve done it since I was little: just set something down somewhere, and never saw it again. A box of crayons, my favorite Beanie Baby. I’m getting all worked up thinking about this.
Maybe I should just own less stuff. Okay, cool. But my glasses! How the hell does one lose 2 pairs of glasses in a matter of 6 months? It’s such an expensive habit.
Anyway, I missed my work shift. Again. I woke up around 1, and cleaned for a while, but not too much. I was good and limited myself. Then I went to the library and worked 20 minutes on each subject, using the eternally helpful online-stopwatch.com. Then I went to dinner, and there was macaroni and cheese and salsa, and Lucky Charms, and spicy vegetable soup. The weather is almost always lovely now, so I sat outside with some funny people: my best friend’s roommate, with whom I exclaimed about how glorious a meal it was. Not going to lie, I had been hoping this guy I kind of am thinking about liking would show up, but he only did as I was leaving to do more homework.
I sat outside and was efficient, mostly because I have nothing better to do. I blocked all time-wasting websites, like Youtube and Tumblr and Pinterest and Pottermore and Facebook and Twitter with StayFocusd, a Chrome extension. I can only access them for 7 minutes a day. Except when I was signing up, I thought it meant 7 minutes for each, but it meant 7 minutes TOTAL. Which was probably for the best, because I have buttloads and buttloads of things to do.
I wish I could put a block on my sleeping, since I am having such trouble curbing it. Sigh. My roommate laughed when I said this, and she wished for a block on eating. I’ve been losing weight ever since softball, since my metabolism is still hyperactive. Not for long though, which is why I need to start working out again, stat. I want to run in a 5K this Saturday, mucho mucho. First I have to muster up some money.
I went to church, and I had a little panic attack as I was sitting in the back row, afraid that I really was in a Serious Funk, and that I was going to start having trouble sitting through Mass again and all that. But then we started singing and everything was better. And I caught of glimpse of the guy I mentioned earlier. Working on a nickname for him. I am actively trying to not care, though. Really, I am.
I grabbed ice cream and then called my mom, which initially didn’t help much. I told her what had happened that day, and then I told her I was so, so lonely. And she started talking about the summer, which usually does help me out of a Minor Funk, but this time it didn’t. I just got frustrated and teary, and so I told her I would talk to her later. I considered moving out for the night, but I really don’t feel like walking anywhere and stinking in my loneliness, so I set the alarm for 20 minutes again, and I’ve been efficient ever since. Besides this, but this is an exception.
I can’t wait to break this funk. I’m going to schedule an appointment with the counselor and go for a run tomorrow night. I promise.